I wish I was cool.

I wish I was cool. I wish I was one of those people that everyone just...wanted to be friends with. I wish I was super creative. I wish I could think of cool new things to do and say. I wish I was just rad. But I'm not. I wish I was really really good at something. I wish I was one of those smart people that always gets asked for homework help. I wish I was one of those people who caught onto things easily. But I'm not. I wish I was one of those people that knows everyone, and everyone knows, and considers a friend. I wish I was more outgoing. But I'm not. I wish I was truely beautiful. I wish I was one of those girls that every guy could see himself with...know what I mean? I wish I just had style and class, like my older sisters. But I don't. I wish so much. I wish I didn't complain as much. I wish I could help more. I wish I could talk to people. I wish people could talk to me. I wish I was different. I don't mean like, I'm emo, let's be different together! I mean, I wish I just simply unique. I wish I could be myself...but mostly I just know what "me" was. But that's just not how things are.

ug, I'm a terrible person.

oh man oh man. I'm a terrible person.

All my friends this I hate them, and have been ignoring them, when really i've just been kindof deppressed lately...

second, and worst of all: You all know I didn't really like Piper, the dog, much. But, I really had started becoming attatched. Well my mom took her to the pound. Yeah. And I feel like its my fault because I said mean things about the dog, when I really just did it out of habit. My dad and Bert didnt like her either, but I feel like I maybe could have saved her. Ug, I've got this pit in my stomach now, and I don't know what to do. There IS nothing to do!

I'm a terrible person.

The Past Few Weeks

The past few weeks have been interesting.

My dad got pnemonia, and was out of work for more than one consecutive day for the first time I can ever remember. Now he's in the hospital for kidney stones. I pretty much lost one of my best friends, and found out that another very close was planning on commiting suicide. I am now a "therapist" for 2 people now. I decided to do CC, even though I told myself I wouldnt. I decided to prove to myself today that I can still run 3 miles, and I can. I nearly died, but I did it. I made sophmore Vice President, and that was fun. I made friends with one of the funniest gay guys i've ever met. I officially like someone new, but I can't tell you who. I found a wayyy hot kid in my physics class. yeah, he's hot. I'm made about 6 batches of rice crispy treats, and drank more water than should be possible. Yeah, this year is going to be a changing year for me.

XC

I decided to run cross country. After I told myself I wouldnt. So today, I decided to prove to myself that I can still run at least 3 miles. And I did. And I thought I was going to die. But hopefully it will get easier. Wish me luck.

Misplaced

Lately, it seems like I don't fit anywhere. Whenever we do movie night, i just don't fit. There is Morgan and Briahna, Matt and Alex, Keely and Amberly, and Bethany and Katie. I'm just there to provide the house. I've never really had a best friend to have good times with every day. I've never lived close enough to someone to hang out with them all the time. I don't have good memories from elementary. All my friends went to a different elementary, and so they all go way back, and then there is me. At school I usually just walk alone in the halls because everyone has a group of people to hang out with, and I don't fit in to any one of them. Whenever I try to hang out with people, i get the feeling that they don't want me there, and that I'm just bugging them. And despite what everyone thinks, its ridiculously hard for me to meet new people. They scare me! I don't care what other people think of me, its what I think of me. And I'm not comforatable with myself, so its really hard to fit it. And its expecially hard in high school when everyone has somewhere to go besides you.

pretty much, i'm feeling really down right now, and I don't really have anyone to talk to. I used to talk to Stef, but she pretty much hates me. Laura is...i dunno whats wrong with her right now. And Robert just thinks i'm annoying lately. So thats it for my rant.

Have a nice day.