....

so I totally just did a book report on a book that I barely read half of.

Inside Out

This is 3 poems in one. The bold is one poem. The italic os another. And together, they make an entirely new one. Try all 3, and PLEASE tell me what you think. This is the first poetry I've ever showed anyone.

Perfectly and completely,
Confused.
I live in a state of happiness that is
So empty, nothing means anything.
Never ending.
Disappointment in myself is common.
My life is complete.
But I never seem to surprise myself with new failures.
This is me.
This is me.


Giving it all I’ve got,
I’m ready to be discovered.
I’m ahead of my time.
But I’m still hiding in the shadows, afraid to shine…
I’m not always successful, but
I’m always afraid to try my best. Even though
I’m always pushing myself,
I know I’ll never be good enough.
The best is all I can give.
The best is all I can give.


Putting myself out there
Still hiding my true self:
So that everyone can see that
I am failure, nothing more.
My accomplishments are real.
I don’t mean anything to anyone.
It never surprises me that
I’ll never be who I want to be.
It’s just how things are.
It’s just how things are.


Stong, but
Oh so weak.
Full of compassion,
Towards those who say they love me.
Giving
My whole self
Everything I have.
Is never enough.
THIS is me.
THIS is me.

Woah.

Best Day Ever! haha. It was the SBO leadership conference 2005 today at Camp Williams. It was so ridiculously fun. wow. I didn't really know a lot of the seniors and juniors, but I know them a lot better now. Rapelling was soooooooooooooooooosososososo fun. wow. We should all go do it again. haha. The who maybe 2 kids who read this....lol. and half of them went with me today! yeah, all the little activities were way fun, and all the people were fun, and even the bus was fun. I'm so excited for this year now. We have some really cool leaders, and they know what they're doing. I learned alot about leadership, and stuff like that, and I ate a lot of candy. It was so fun. yayayayaya!

Weird Dreams

I had a weird dream last night. I hate it when I dream things like its real life, and things that actually could happen do....because then it confuses me. Like, i dreamt that my pen pal from EFY wrote me back and said he didn't want to talk to me again. And I dreamt that I got my school picture retakes back and they were hideous. I hate it when that happens.

On the other hand, I went to the most AMAZING show last night! wow! Death Cab is amazing....and even more so live. I met some way cool guys, and then me and dee and lola went to IHOP. It was pretty much the best night of my life. haha. And Thatcher, I'm sure you've never heard of Death Cab, but they're amazing, trust me. haha. And Bri...if you don't have one of their CDs, I'll burn you one sometime.

yeah, on the OTHER hand (i'm turning into and octopus.)...Briahna decided to announce to our math class who I like. And I'm really not ready for that. I don't want anything between us right now. And now this OTHER kid thinks I like him....and I don't. but we're friends, and I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him that I don't like him. This is why I don't tell people things. It just gets messed up. Things are a lot better when I just don't tell anyone anything. haha. Because hey, I might not even like this kid in a week. I don't know. But I don't want to be in the situation where I feel obligated to like him.

High school is frustrating. I never see anyone. I don't really have any fun classes. Like, Robert and Bethany have english together, and they say it soooo fun. I don't have any classes like that. In the SBO class, its mostly all seniors, and they're all such good friends its really hard to fit in. In english...I don't really have any close friends. I have Valerie, but she sits on the other end of the room and we don't talk much. In gym...Mac is just annoying. wow. and jordan touches me too much. But I love seminary. End of story. Orchestra...All of my friends sit forever away from me. And I never talk to them, and its depressing. In Physics...I've got Aaron Brown....ooh, yay for me. just kidding! In History, well, that class is fun I guess, but its history, and its boring. And my entire math class thinks I like Mike, and I don't. Speaking of math class, bri, i totally saw Stephen at IHOP last night. haha. trippy, huh? Yeah, thats about it. And in Granite Youth, I have pretty much no friends. I never have. And its so sad. I love it so much, but I don't even know if its worth it. It makes it so I couldn't do CC this year, or Youth Council, both of which I wanted to do. Yeah, thats my life. I complain too much, I'm sorry. No one reads this anyway.